A Perfect Bond

I was this close to her. I could really count the moles on her face. I could really blow away the stray pupil hair from her face. My hands were wrapped around her. Her eyes were closed; lips apart. I could not help but meeting mine with her. The street lights were shining like moonlight on us and at that moment I caught a tear rolling on her cheek.

"Please don't leave me, Arush!" said she. I smiled at her and pin her head to my chest and said, "Of course not. Only a fool can do that, and I am not. Actually I am crazy, about you!"

She blushed but faked anger, "At least change the line. It sounds like a seventy's hero is telling his soul mate."

"Exactly my point about your line earlier", I added jokingly. She punched my stomach in response. My fake pain was overlooked by her as she noticed the time in her wristwatch.

"Oh my God, it's nine already. I still have to pack my stuff and my flight leaves early in the morning. I think we should go." She said parting from me.

I sighed and reluctantly parted from her after giving a kiss on her cheek. She climbed behind me on my bike and we started for her home. We were debating what should be the name of our home once she finishes her post-graduation and we get married.

In fact, her father even asked me if we would like to get married before Anushka leaves for Delhi for her PG. I had to explain to him that I have just completed my MBA and I need at least two years to settle down in my career. By that time, she will also be finishing her PG. So we can get married as soon as she finishes her studies. But the worried father wanted to wed-lock her daughter sooner. So we got engaged the last month.

Our engagement day was a mixed day for Anushka. As her mother did not come at first for the function and when she did come, she was all too grumpy and ended up fighting with her ex-husband. Anushka's mother is divorced and re-married to a well-known IAS officer. Their affair was the talk of the town as Anushka's father was a business man and the courtroom had witnessed the fight for Anushka's custody. Anushka was about ten years old then.

Her background has made Anushka a humble and hard-working girl. She grew up too fast for her age but she was also very afraid of relationships. In fact, I was her first ever boy-friend when she was about twenty-two and that too after I knew her for almost four years. I was in love with her the moment I saw her. But I was too young to notice that I was in love. I had a couple of passing affairs when I was in college. The last one was particularly nasty when I was dumped by the girl (Jassica) because someone else had proposed her and he was more good-looking and wealthier than me. I was broken when this happened. Anushka was the only friend who supported me in that tough time and it was game-set-match for me.

However, things were not easy for me with Anushka as well. She was the best friend I ever had. I was her only friend. Still, she kept a distance from me. A wall stood between us regardless of how many hours a day I spent talking with her. I soon realized the reason for that wall. I started breaking into it. Exactly six months ago, more than a year after I proposed to her, she confessed her feelings to me. My mom already knew enough to conclude that I loved Anushka. She and my dad already approved my choice. Next month I got a call from her father asking to meet him.

"Arush, I hope you know what you are playing at. I don't want any messing around with my daughter." He said sipping the tea from his cup.

I was getting cold perspiration. "There is some misunderstanding in what you are saying uncle."

"So is my daughter lying? Or are you a coward to admit it?" He barked.

I was totally shocked hearing this. Anushka told her dad! I don't even know that. I gathered some courage and said, "Uncle, Anushka told you!"

"Yes she did, when I asked. Now tell me what your plans are."

"Uncle, I intend to marry her if you give the permission. Though I need some time to stabilize my career, I think I would be able to marry her in two years." Then I hastily added, "With your blessings, of course."

Suddenly he smiled at me and said, "You are a fine guy. I have nothing against you. I just want to make sure that you don't play with daughter's feelings."

"I suggest you to meet my parents, uncle; for they already know. They would be glad to meet you."

Later that evening when I met Anushka, she was all too ecstatic and hugged me in front of hundreds of watching people. "Thanks, Arush for being true to my trust."

"You should have told me. I was like getting a heart-attack there and then." I gently parted with her.

She smiled guiltily at me and said, "Well it was papa's idea. He approved of you immediately but asked me not to tell you. I bet he wanted to surprise you."

"Well he did. Anyways, let's hope he has no surprises for my parents." She punched me as I said this. I loved when she punched me because of fake anger. I keep on finding the reason so that I can keep on getting those punches.

Things moved so fast that before I could realize anything, I was engaged and my fiancée was going to Delhi to do her PG from NIFT. I was really worried what will I do for the next two years without her. But there was a consolation as I was also starting a new job, maybe I would be able to concentrate better.

***

There was something wrong with the day. First I woke up rather badly with some horrible dream. I already felt some head-ache and I realized I could be late for the office. When I was finally ready, my car's tire was flat. I had to catch an auto to the workplace. I was already a little late, missed my breakfast and as soon as I was logging on to my laptop, Samir calls me for an urgent meeting.

When I entered the meeting room, my boss (Head of BD), head of corporate communication and the head of HR. Me and Samir soon came to know the reason for the urgency. One of the major clients of our company is facing problem as its promoter has committed a great fraud. The news broke a few minutes ago. We were called in to prepare the details of the total business we are doing at present, we did in the past and the orders we had with them in the coming years. All the details they wanted within an hour. They also wanted all the teams to stop working for the projects of this client with immediate effect. My two team members had to be called back from the client-site because of that. Already feeling dizzy, I started working. I saw an email from Anushka popping up with "Sorry" as a subject line but ignored it as I had a lot to do.

After the lunch, when I was finally free for a while, I read the email. I nearly fainted reading it.

"Dear Arush,

I don't know whether I will ever be able to face you after what I did a week ago. After our farewell party, I went on the drive with Ajinkya. I do not know why I agreed to go with him but I guess he requested me and I was a bit bored and so I agreed. He pulled over the car after a while. We were talking mostly un-important stuff and suddenly we kissed each other. It was not one of the tender kiss of love. It was a passionate kiss of hunger. We went to all limits and so now I am not a virgin anymore. I am ashamed to tell you this.

I still love you, but I cannot expect anything from you. Even if you accept me with my fault, I will be drowned in self-pity forever. I request you to call of this wedding and do the justice to me.

Once yours,

Anushka."

I went out of the office, I wanted to do something. I saw the tea & cigarette shop. I smoked two cigarettes back-to-back, although I don't usually smoke.

"Hey AP, where were you man? MK is looking for you like mad. Come on let's go, we have a lot to do." Samir had emerged from somewhere. Rest of my day went too busy in the work. Finally when she called in the night, I told her I needed some time to digest & think about it. I also asked her not to take any decisions on my behalf.

***

"Why do I end up apologizing even when you were at fault?"

"Because you over-react", she said laughing smugly. "That is understandable because I rarely do what hurts you."

"You are so caring, that is why I chose you." I pulled her closer. She jerked away smiling and saying "Liar!"

***

She never had to apologize to me. Unlike me, I was always short of her standards by some means or the other. I used word "Sorry" at least once a day. She never had to say that. I complain that all the time. Now when she really said sorry, she does not want me to forgive her. She has not left any choice for me. It is like walking to you and saying, "Hey, I did something wrong so I am sorry, but don't forgive me & please leave me."

What if I don't want to leave her? What if I want to forgive her? Should not she leave this to me instead?

I called her and asked her if she had any feeling whatsoever for Ajinkya. She was sobbing while answering but denied it. I asked her to finish her last exam and come back wearing the ring. I told her that I have not decided anything yet but I cannot decide like this either. I need to talk to her.

Next week she came back from Delhi. I went to meet her at her home. When I saw her, she just hugged me and cried. She kept on crying for a while which felt like years to me. I still have that scent of her hairs in my mind when I think about that moment. I let go of her and sat with her.

No words were exchanged between us. Ajinkya was her past and was never discussed again. We got married after three months.

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"All the characters, places and incidents in the story are the work of fiction and any resemblance with the real life is a sheer co-incidence."

-Manas Nanavaty